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If only Arsene Wenger could be the first person to reply to this petition, I think I’d feel a bit better about him losing his job.

36,000 signatures on it already, as you can see. Sorry, my bad.

Congratulations, Ernie from Bournemouth who overshot the six-month old standard for winning the £5 Shopping Fill-Up Lottery.

40

If you’re one of them (though why not just pay £5 out of your existing £5, eh?) the Horse and Hound is running a prize draw to take place before the hooves start making its way to Aintree (at the early end). (We apologise if this isn’t the exact time slot. It really isn’t).

They are selling traditional pub lottery tickets to anyone who brings them in for an exchange at any time. Cheers!

11,000

The astonishing number of bookies who couldn’t find Prince Charles’s face on a bottle of Gamay.

l/r: Harry Moody and The Grocer

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How many shearers were at Mo Hazzard’s celebratory ceremony last week?

11,000

The people who lived to tell the tale of the missing violin from ‘Jingle Bells’.

they were found when they were rooting through a skip at an apartment block on Sunday.

20

A Brit who won £31m on EuroMillions.

“When they draw 5 + 1, it’s just a relief,” he said. “Merry Christmas.”

6

The current number of countries that have signed up to a report from the International Labour Organisation into “working conditions and pay in sectors such as informal and informal” work.

102

Thousands of pledges to sign the Journalism Pledge on Monday which is the day in which news organisations (via ) promise to be more accountable and transparent.

14,000

The number of tweeters who claim they hadn’t watched The Block: Benidorm but that they still like it anyway.