MEDFORD, MA—Thinking of ways to eat up as much energy as possible before the holidays—and continuing to go through the motions in their quest to secure full seats at restaurant tables—obviously hungry Americans told reporters today that they were more than willing to fork over their credit card information and close friends’ residential address in order to satisfy their hunger for approval, which they perceived to be crucial to their lives. “For months now, I’ve been crushing it on the microphone, and at first it was great, like, ‘Oh, he’s entertaining,’ and then you start feeling like you’re doing something nice for other people, and then suddenly you’re just craving your friends’ approval, so I guess it’s a good thing I can pay it forward,” said 22-year-old Boston resident Peter Feller, adding that his needs were even more pressing because he was due for a $500 payday soon. “Honestly, it just makes sense. It’s such a stressful time, and a lot of people are feeling left out in the cold because they aren’t making their usual paycheck, and everybody wants people to like them. Everyone hates looking at people with hunger so, hey, better if I get that approved.” The man reportedly said he’d no doubt add several more names to the list soon.