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Men who have a girlfriend or girlfriend-to-be are more than twice as likely to have a domestic partnership if they’re first-time in a new relationship. And when the couple has a domestic partnership, they’re twice as likely to be in open marriage or same-sex marriage.

These hints, deep insights and useful reminders are part of what linguist Mike Wirth discovered when he traveled the United States interviewing heterosexual men about how to make their relationship more gay-friendly.

These researchers are not romantic designers, but they do have a sense of the ways in which couples can to come together and be fully involved. In this first collection of advice, they share the kinds of tips and aphorisms they’ve learned.

The researchers also include responses from some women who have no idea what their male partners are up to. Their responses are worth reading as well, and in some cases, they challenge some of the biases we might have about the way men talk about their partner.

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