NEW YORK—In what has been characterized as an unprecedented campaign to rid the city of black men and force them to listen to its pitch, Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced Thursday that he has hired thousands of random, seemingly uninterested canvassers to walk the streets of New York and force them to listen to his campaign message. "I heard the campaign message loud and clear yesterday," said Bloomberg of a radio ad that ran during the Super Bowl during which the mayor urged listeners to, among other things, stop telling him how much black men mean to black people. "One-hundred-ninety is just too many. Why doesn't The Onion stop editing its pages?" Bloomberg also reiterated that he is on the case, claiming that he is firing every black man spotted on city streets and that "if there are any black men left at all, we're going to figure out a way to get their lives to match our dreams." At press time, the mayor was searching for his office's gynecologist, who is apparently pissed at him over alleged lack of access to oral sex during his blood-letting.