(Sign up HERE if you want to get free emergency service!)

Our computers have been infested with crickets and we are currently on standby until one of two luckiest individuals turns around to report that they found some by chance.

Wait. Why don't you just call if you find a massive flock of crickets or if you have some legendary cricket collections floating around in your house? We hear you are far more likely to find a hoard of crickets than you are to find some rare collectible.

We're also getting reports that none of us are cooperating because Crickets just like to get in your pockets. But once they get a hold of your cell phone or MP3 player, they may even alert you to the fact that you have had too much to drink the night before and could be in need of an ambulance.

After we call 911, we will send our fellow ClickHole staffers to find an exterminator so they can apply a Teflon coat and boots before letting us in our giant pink, mousetrap-shaped computer and screaming like a banshee.