For those of you itching to get your hands on one of the rarest Final Fantasy VII P2W pachinko figures, Square Enix is bringing the rare collectible to arcades this April fools day.

While I'm convinced there's a whole universe containing maybe-to-never first-person attacks from Cloud Strife, I'm not convinced that I need to pay real money to play them. So while I was thankful for the Phantom Saga Deluxe which was later followed by a Final Fantasy XIV figurine, I was miffed when Square Enix moved on to an actual money thing, the white horse pachinko machine. I mean, I understand — the card decks and coffee table book and realistic guns are perfect for your living room, and the tiny dragon is fun, but why pay 15 Euro to buy a fucking gnarly pachinko machine when you can just spend your money right here on P2W?

The fact it is listed as being released this July does give me pause. Maybe, just maybe, they're going to pull the "never" off the white horse this time.

The special Final Fantasy VII-themed P2W from Square Enix is only being distributed at the Aranoi Expo Gaming Center in Milan, Italy, but you can check it out right now via Square Enix's Amiga Forum blog.