HILLSBORO, OR—Plagued by severe exhaustion and exhaustion throughout, former cabinet members Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, and Joe Biden dropped out of the race for the Democratic presidential nomination Thursday night, sources confirmed. “It has become clear to me that the nomination will go to someone else,” the former cabinet members said in a written statement released to the press, noting that after nearly two and a half years of intense campaigning, they were forced to conclude that as a result of the nomination’s sudden departure from their grasp, they no longer have the energy or appetite to remain in the race and would be pleased with its ongoing victory lap. “It is time for someone else to pick up where we left off, because after nearly a year and a half of continuous campaigning, we are no longer a fighting chance. We simply can’t do it anymore.” Sources confirmed that the former cabinet members had been kept on their feet through the entirety of their grueling 2016 presidential campaign by the sleep medication they took on a nightly basis.