When your mother speaks to you from heaven, you know how she makes you feel. It’s also how I felt the last moment I was with my mum.
She called me by name and I was there in the room by her side. There was an upset and unhappy man behind the window that blocked out the overwhelming sound of the woman that was very near death.
Sitting in a corner, I felt as if I were in a discussion with a friend you have never met, a complete stranger, but you agree to share your “story” and there the conversation will go.
After that last contact with my mother, everything that happened to her in the following weeks and months is something we must never forget.
I am not ashamed to say I had sleepless nights for weeks on end. As the days went by I could not forget what I had just witnessed: losing the most important person in my life... We were both facing fear and that fear prevented me from doing anything at the time.
The following months were strange ones... coping with the pain of the worst time of my life without the person I felt closest to.
At the beginning my self-esteem was nothing, or very little. I was convinced that my mother was dead. It was really difficult to accept.
It’s easy to say we are happy, relaxed and carefree with the person in front of us, but the truth is it was full of pain, longing, fears, anger and sadness.
Murders are rare in New York. To lose someone and have nothing to do with it, is so rare you can barely imagine it, as if it doesn’t happen at all. This is something that occurred on the streets of Manhattan.
I know, in New York many people do not believe it happened, don’t know why or where it happened and how to explain the circumstances. I’ve even heard from people that it was a scam.
People are taken by surprise because many people did not know of something like this happening in New York, and in 2013 we were too concerned about the impeachment of President Trump.
It is impossible to understand how the crime happened, so everyone has a point of view. But we are all still doing our best to address the lack of vision in the attack of L’artista l’ha fatto ancora.
She was beautiful, with her beautiful personality and with heart. She was witty, respected her neighbours and was always cheerful. It’s a fact that the street where the shooting took place is where I lived.
Unfortunately that was just yesterday. For months I have only felt horrible, tense and terrified because of the senseless violence in my city. It’s the kind of sensation, that when you have no control of something that is so horrible and heartbreaking that it is hard to understand.
The worst part is that after nothing is said about this woman’s life, she died in an unwritten book. What was the story behind this unspeakable crime? Did she have family? Was she even in a relationship? Why was she not rescued?
Today my mother is home and has become a guardian angel. She is always comforting me, reminding me that life is good and I will not give up. Every morning she tells me that I am only working one click away from fulfilling the dream that’s been given to me.
This victim is not unknown to the city, or to me. I was there at that minute in the hospital, wishing it could have been different.
That sad statement on the door of that house was all I had to remember what happened. The only thing that was left for me to live with was the fear of dying. The only thing I had in my head was “I hope that this will never happen again.” That was it.
I only took a few minutes in the hospital, then looked myself in the mirror, realised that I was not as strong as I thought I was and said that I wanted to try again. As I spoke to myself, it happened - I fell apart from the inside.
I know my mother in particular is not forgotten. People who knew her knew she was beautiful, loved to dance and to sing. She was a strong woman, smiling and offering her strength to everyone.
She has never stayed in a dark room, she always communicated with us, kept positive, happy and always trusting.
I need to take responsibility for helping people to understand why this terrible thing happened. What is clear to me though is that the government of this city needs to review a lot of its strategy. It should be a strict investigation with immediate changes, and a clear plan that makes the city safe