Kim Gordon, an artist and photographer from the Kansas City area, described the heartbreaking process of mourning in self-quarantine in KCRU’s Nightly Magazine on Wednesday.

Gordon’s husband, Alan Steinberg, was shot in the face by his 18-year-old son last December after an argument over the stove, according to police reports. Alan was released from the hospital later that day, and was later able to return home. But, Gordon told the publication, “I couldn’t take his room back, he was always there.” She spoke in a Facebook Messenger message with the freelance journalist Shevaun Mizell, who interviewed Gordon for the article. “I felt his absence, like seeing a real person as inanimate as I see digital images,” Gordon explained.

Having to visit her husband in the hospital is, for Gordon, “a discipline. I need to, like, get through this because I will.”

The turning point for Gordon came a month after her husband was shot, when she was forced to mourn him while pretending to be in the hospital. “I was ordering groceries — because the home was supposed to be rest, really — and I ran into the one person who might be caring for me, and he rolled over and held my forehead as I heave out vomit. I think I cried real tears for the first time.”

Read the full story at KCRU.

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