WASHINGTON—According to officials, New York City mayor and 2016 presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg has hired an army of thousands of people to not only disrupt black men on the street and force them to hear his campaign pitch, but also use humiliating “smear tactics” to discredit him as racist and simultaneously point out the injustice of his racist policies. “Canvassers from across our diverse network will tirelessly face off with these black men, pressurize them into being obedient voters, and call out the blatant blatant bigotry of Michael Bloomberg’s failed policies on the merits,” said campaign chief executive Bill de Blasio, explaining that from Feb. 4 to Feb. 22 this mobilization will effectively smear Bloomberg as an illegal immigrant, a libertarian, and a congenital liar. “The good news is that as members of our human shield, you’ll not only help build my campaign’s detailed outreach plan, but also lend more unwavering support to progressive goals like legalizing same-sex marriage and bringing us one step closer to reparations for millions of African-Americans. And on Election Day, you’ll vote for me.” De Blasio added that he wants everyone to know how much he appreciates all of their hard work.