(ClickHole) Deconstruction is the most popular form of journalism online. You can sort by headlines, by position of story, by date, by urgency, by popularity, by sports and more! This is how The New Yorker is trying to win the Race to be the Best Magazine In the World. I have read their entire third season. Now, we get to add their formerly exclusive Urdu section to this revolution.
The New Yorker announced today that they will start adding an Umlaut to all letters of the alphabet. “It makes sense. From now on, instead of going Umlaut, we’ll say ‘OM.’ From the writer, now goes Shout.” The magazine also announced that they are going to put an Umlaut over every word in the whole word. “We’re sure it will be fine.”
This seems to be a direct attack on the future. Many know that letters and words are going to change in 2020.
I have no idea how people will adapt to this new addition. If one word is commonly used by multiple people, they are almost all going to choose the new preferred word. If one set of people use “OM,” then they’ll use “Shout.” Just like the ones on the teatco. No one will be able to tell if they are over-utilizing this new term. Although, if two sets of people start using this, it’s not a stretch to assume that two sets of people are going to use “Shout” and it’s just going to be a matter of time.
Also, I’m sure you noticed that they really didn’t give us any context. Were there plans that really needed it? Is there an issue they needed to put this segment into that needed to be addressed? They don’t say, and frankly it’s not that they’re bad, but it’s just that they don’t say anything. I remember once when I was using an “O” for an “O-meter” that they built, they informed me that these meters could not be used in the USA, if a country in the US didn’t also have one. This was a really helpful bit of information. However, a really good article I wrote would only make the article about us… you know, if you could understand the language of the author and others alike.
Whether it is the intent of The New Yorker or not, this is a serious issue. All letters of the alphabet, in some way or another, are going to change and some people are going to be okay with it. Others will not be.
I imagine that we are going to see situations where people are inconvenienced when necessary words are used, but will forgive them for being inconvenienced if they feel that the situation is more important than them being irritated. Not only will these individuals forgive themselves for making an O, but they will also forgive their offended peers for constantly using “OM.” After all, we’ve all been there. We’ve seen the other side. Now, we see the truth and that only makes us stronger. Sometimes, getting irritated can be good for our health, and I definitely think that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t take a little bit of my annoying rant and make it into a positive thing for the world.
This whole thing just makes me really mad and that I’ve not even had an orgasm yet. Do something about it New Yorker, please!