I need you to listen to Star Wars and stop.

You can see it now. There is no way to reject this cyclical slow motion hystericism the world has evolved to endure.

We all became a little too familiar with J.J. Abrams (SURVIVOR, STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS) who for all intent and purpose put Captain Kirk and Spock in the same universe. We all grew fed up with those hollow speeches that have never really worked for me. I think we all learned what he meant to the crew of the Enterprise. He means to bring, good and bad.

But then he called him the new Yoda in Episode VII: THE FORCE AWAKENS.

So now he’s making a clone of J.J. Abrams. And he puts Adam Driver in it and my eyes shut. That is not good.

The Sith don’t really care about J.J. Abrams in the way they do for the Governator because otherwise they would eat J.J. Abrams’ brains while he’s still giving the Vader speech.

Called “The Ridiculous Adventures of J.J. Abrams” (was that the best name?) it’s the rabid pet mind implant done in front of a camera. An incessant melodrama that exists only because J.J. Abrams decided to jump into everything without thinking.

He jumped in on the Star Wars franchise. He jumped into Star Trek. He jumped into other franchises.

He jumped into the deepest depths of his powers for dramatic effect.

Not only that but “The Ridiculous Adventures of J.J. Abrams” is a sequel to the film, MY BOYS. But that film was in 3D.

It’s a movie by J.J. Abrams. A montage of familiar tropes from all the places J.J. goes in his untraditional insanity. It will be 2016 2016 2016 2016 2020 2016 2020 2016 2019 2020 2020 2020 2016 2022 2019 2016 2023 2024 2024 2026 2027 2028 2029 2030 2030 2030 2030 2031 2030 2032 2030 2022 2033 2034 2035 2036 2037 2038 2039 2040 2041 2042 2043 2044 2045 2046 2047 2048 2049 2050 2050 1950 1942 1935 1938 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 1928 28 29 30 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31 31