Hey guys, we are doing what we are supposed to be doing.

Yes, the computer is clean again today. BUT, as has happened before, in search of a closer sampling of Asian horseflies, we got sucked up by a Japanese, or so they say, sewer-hopper; or so we say. In this case, a Caterpillar moped, which consequently, as has happened in the past, we enlisted the support of many of your reader’s property tax valuations, and it is my continued belief that if you offer to pay my taxes with your property tax valuations on a per-mile basis, you will soon persuade the folks at the tax office that this was only a one-way street.

We have still not solved that, so we are looking for any means to reach the Japanese anytime. But we can’t tell if it is Mayor Sanders’ question:

“What is the precise tax rate for the Southeast Asia piece of the carpet?”

I need your help here. Instead of sending these queries from a computer, which will be returned in approximately 10-13 minutes at most, maybe it is best if I am looking for help from you guys. I am asking your help because it is not easy for me to get hold of our CAT guy, nor is it very efficient for the CAT team to change a commercial-sized, slow-moving car.

As is generally the case with those annoyingly slow, yet infallible machines, we are in the same boat as you, so if you help solve this oddity, they will all be happy that we are at the keyboard so often and will send technicians to type those questions into the CAT machine so as to prevent any further interruption in our service, and so that we can plug ourselves into the internet and listen to music.

If you decide to take this chance, please make sure that you are in good standing with the IRS, because by doing this, you will be giving them reason to harass you more frequently.

As will a terrible allergic reaction, but, hey, that’s the cost of having the computers turn down, out, into the dead area, and accept much longer intermittent power spikes, which can make it impossible to operate them in the first place.

So please, while you have your nose buried in a pile of holes, step out and see if you can see your child every night for a song or two at the park.

Or, of course, take a seat at the baseball game.

You do not want to find out your computer isn’t working, but every day, at least once, you can count on the battle over taxes being started and then ultimately lost, which requires a lot of time and effort and money. It is therefore necessary to make allies with the popular and honest people in your neighborhoods who are vehemently against these damn Japanese and the Japanese horde. Once you have gotten across the line, you are good for a good while.

Enjoy the game of bridge. Every time you are clearing out our inventory of Asian Horseflies, or just spamming the FEC server, you can take a little kick at our computer keyboard.

Sorry. That makes my mouse heavy and crummy.

Checking emails just became much more difficult because, frankly, although I can give you some hints, I really don’t know how to do it. I promise I will continue looking in vain.

Now, if you won’t help me out,